How to kill a spider

by Katie on January 13, 2010


Monday night, I was cooking supper and Brandon was checking responses to his bobcat-killing story on CouesWhitetail.com (check it out if you’re into dead critters; it’s a pretty neat story). I approached the computer and asked if I told him something, would he promise to not be upset about it.
He asked why I didn’t just preface everything I said with that little introduction.
“Okay, so, you know that picture I sent you of that giant spider in our kitchen about five days ago?”
Said giant spider:
(I was not exaggerating with “giant”, right? I mean, “gigantic” or “humongous” or “outlandishly large” might be more fitting for this thing.)
“Well, I haven’t exactly killed it yet. I’ve tried. Probably six times I’ve tried. But it keeps escaping, and it’s in that tiny hole, and it just runs away behind the counter before I can get it good. I did chop off a leg once, but that’s as close as I’ve gotten. Basically, what I’m trying to say, is we’ve been living with that huge spider next to our stove for five days.”
So he rolled his eyes and followed me to kitchen, where I tried to show him the situation: a) the spider’s habitat was in the tiny space between our stove and countertop b) the spider only came out occasionally, which does not provide many opportunities for killing c) the spider could escape behind the countertop quickly.
He said, “Well, you’ve just got to find something to stick in there and get it.”
I showed him what I had used to attempt to kill the spider:
(The same spatula we used to cut the stromboli for supper that night.)
He said, “No, that won’t work. You need something thicker to take up more space in the hole…something like this.”
And he gets out this wooden spatula:
Then holds it on the end to demonstrate:
“You see? This will really get in there and get him.”
I mean, Brandon really is the expert when it comes to finding the proper tools to eliminate our home invaders, with his scorpion-killing pipe wrench and all. And he left it that.
While leaving the kitchen, feeling manly and proud I guess, he said, “Now we have to tell everyone I had to teach you how to kill a spider. Geez.”
The trouble is, our spider hasn’t come back out from hiding since I got a lesson in spider weaponry. So yeah, it’s still there.
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